- cross-posted to:
- technology@beehaw.org
- cross-posted to:
- technology@beehaw.org
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Maybe if they weren’t all about making money off loneliness they might be doing a bit better.
The dating app kinda reminds me of gambling. Gambling is selling the hope of being rich. Dating apps are selling the hope of finding a partner.
Grindr is the ultimate gamble, hahah I was telling me wife my blocklist grows every day. I had a guy solicit me for dirty socks, didn’t even want to buy them just wanted to trade one dirty sock for three clean ones… I had another guy call me an asshole for not responding to them. Not to mention the people who don’t read profiles.
They just throw quarters into the machine and hope one of their bets pays off.
Yesterday, I matched with 12 men. Only two messaged me.
Lmao she should have tried running an account for an average looking man
“Yesterday, I swiped on 1000 women. I got one match. She removed me. An above average day”
- why I’m not on tinder anymore.
Have you tried being 6’7"
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Point A) I’ve tried less frequent “yes” swipes and overall match rate was about the same.
Point B) calling people “low value” sounds like disgusting incel-speech and I think we should all avoid it and embrace the different qualities and virtues we all have.
it’s not because there isn’t a desperate need. it’s that they are predatory and make a hard thing fucking impossible, and have a vested interest in making it impossible and charging for the solution, but not a good enough solution to invalidate needing to keep using it.
I of of the opinion that these sites commoditize women. They take in profiles, they curate and hoard them. They know that men will pay to get access to them, so they put the best “opportunities” behind their paywall. If you don’t pay, you can see them, but have low chances of getting their attention. I presume the same happens to both sides, but regardless of how they operate, they don’t want you to find someone. They don’t make money if you find someone and quit using the app.
They manipulate a population that is hooked on convenience and pretend to offer the same thing. Be a lazy turd and find a hot woman from your sofa. That isn’t realistic, but that’s the pitch. Nobody starts dating thinking “hmm, I want the chunky person who has no other hobbies than swiping on their phone while Netflix plays in the background”. If these apps were at all helpful, they’d tell you to put on some pants, get off the sofa and develop some appealing interests (no, “hiking” isn’t one of them because you don’t actually do it).
Good fucking riddance if this is at all true.
There’s also all the investment in making using the app addictive with all the little dopamine hits of finding something that might be good every so often at random. So when you do meet someone and you’re bored during the commercials in the from you’re watching, what app would give you a little dopamine hit, yes it’s your favourite dating app, run by the same one company as all the other dating apps.
Everything I’ve watched or read online seems to indicate that dating apps suck for an overwhelming majority of people so good riddance?
What I can’t figure out is what comes next. Singles events (at a bar for ex)? Meet up type events where your doing something with other single people? Friends try to set you up with someone?
I’ve been married for 10 plus years so I have no skin in the game but it’s an interesting topic to me.
My current strategy is to die alone
I’ve been married for a long time too and we met on the greatest dating website of all time: Craigslist Personals.
You entered your gender, age, a written segment, and an optional photo. No algorithm, no matching. Everything written was searchable and published via RSS. All communication went through email. No app, no subscription, and the only ads were sex workers.
In the context of this article, it forced the user to engage by reading people’s blurbs instead of just swiping for brain chemicals like Candy Crush. You felt like you were talking the other humans and the website was just where you went to meet them.
If such a site were recreated today, users would want to run the RSS feed through a slop rejection filter.
Craigslist casual encounters was wild. IYKYK
It was what Tinder always advertised itself as but never quite became 😂
lol I loved reading them, never replied to any.
Yeah Craigslist seem way more organic than any of today’s apps.
From my social circle at least college seems to be by far the most popular place where couples met eachother. Nearly every couple we knew in college is still together almost a decade later. It’s followed by Hinge, but we only know two couples who met there. We also know two couples who met on discord, so that’s also definitely a good option if you’re already into some hobby which isn’t heavily dominated by one gender.
I think the plan is to start approaching people at the grocery store or attending interest based clubs/ meetups, oh and just being single.
Oof, approaching in public is stressssful. Interest based clubs/meetups seems like a solid strategy to me.
Absolutely agree! Unfortunately for myself, I live in a medium size city that doesn’t seem to have much of anything going on. About the only interest based activities available that I am not interested in is volunteering at the animal shelter. I don’t think my heart can handle that and I’d end up with 10 more cats lol
Haven’t tried it myself yet but maybe someday if someone catches my eye and seems like they might be interested
Well good luck!
Or a fediverse alternative…
Nah to many dicks
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I’ve personally had luck with dating subreddits like r4r.
I’m too introverted for irl dating so it was the only remaining option for me.
Found my current girlfriend there and I couldn’t be any happier.
Nice!
My strategy is that I gave up on dating. I don’t have time for it. Dating apps were the only thing that made sense for me and I haven’t been on those in years. Years ago 90% of women’s profiles were scammers or OF models. I can’t imagine what it’s like now. I’ve already been married, divorced, and have kids. I make decent money, but how am I even supposed to be able to afford to date with pricing for everything being insane? I wouldn’t be surprised to find out a lot of people are just not bothering trying and focusing on the rest of life.
I did the same thing, moved to the other end of the country and just focused on myself for a while. Two jobs and a move to the south east and go figure I’m now married again despite swearing it off. I met her at a shitty job. Have a blast being single and doing all the things you forgot you liked.
Yeah dating can be a hassle and if someone is ok with being single then why not? There’s not as much social pressunre to be in relationships as in the past.
I wonder why someone downvoted your comment.
Yeah, if I were suddenly single again, I’d be like, eh, I’m good. I know a few single women, so who knows there, but beyond that I’d just be like, yeaahhhhhh I’m just gonna keep living.
One of life’s mysteries. Maybe not having an interest in continuing to date for time and financial reasons is controversial to some.
HOW is this Possible? All dating Apps do is make it IMPOSSIBLE to Find a Real Person! How is that NOT a Winning Strategy in the “Find a Real Person” Industry?
It’s so uncommon to see good news these days.
I’ve paid for a few to see if it helps - It does and I feel like it was worth it up until 2 years ago when they changed how matching works. But you know what doesn’t work, people telling the truth on their profile. So great, I had better matches or in my case on bumble, better choice for matches based on who liked me. But damn if Jeni from the town next door loved “hiking” when really she just loved watching tv and one day wanted to “be more active”. She also told me she wanted to move to Spain one day… guess who also wanted to move to Europe ( Spain, wherever) - me! But I got the job and she’s pulling the “well not yet!!!” and in the end just wanted to visit and knew I have money to do this. P.s. I live in Spain now.
Each profile is a crafted (and truth bending) aspect of your life for others to review and I hate how it doesn’t capture the truth of who you really are in person. I went in being honest and found women who liked the same, but yet they were never really who they were on the app. I found my best matches when I wasn’t truthful or bent the truth a tad but yet I never stayed together long.
Best girlfriend so far, met her organically on the beach because my dog went over to say hi by licking her face. She’s a bit over the top, has tattoos everywhere including a funny phrase on her ass, but she’s the most compatible woman I’ve met so far.
Is the phrase
Live, Laugh, Love
Written in comic sans
Nah… Papyrus
So uh…this funny phrase tatoo…pics or it ain’t real, internet rules 😂🤣.
Heh, I’ll ask for a pic but I expect her to dump me for it. But hey, internet points!! 😂
Good riddance
They were a silly concept to begin with. If they worked well, they’d kill their own business model. To stay economically viable they therefore have to use all kinds of tricks and produce mixed-at-best results, and cognitive manipulation to keep their user base entertained. Glad to see them finally collapse
That’s BS, the population is literally aging into a new market evey year, but they want to nickel and dime to the point of exploitation their existing base ruining the reputation of the entire industry in the process.
I never really believed that montra of if they were successful they lose a customer. I met my wife on a dating site over 13 years ago and told everyone I knew about it and how good it was. Many of the people that I told tried the site. It’s a great way to spread your business if anything then through natural word of.mouth you actually kinda weed out people who are looking for the wrong things. Unfortunately the one I used ok cupid was bought by the big conglomerate and they change it so it was just like all the others. The other place I see it working is if governments offered the service because they want people to be matched up. I get people might not trust the government to match them up but why would you trust a company to do it then.
I think, it’s a myth that matchmaking has to be bad to survive. We see that in gaming all the time. The problem is just that physical world matchmaking is optimized to get recurrent customers instead of finding good matches. And that inevitably tanks the reputation. The first dating platform with good matchmaking will be the last one standing because it will suck the competition dry.
There is a market for good matchmaking. It’s just not as big as the imagined market for bad matchmaking (which we see now isn’t actually that big once people realize that the service sucks).Also there are still “for real” matchmaking services — for marriage — in plenty of cultures. This is a pretty normal way for folks to get married in many countries. If these apps had gone for being “the digital version of that” instead of algorithmic enshittification, maybe it would be a different story
Or arguably it’s the issue with running then as an unregulated business to begin with. It’d almost be better if it was just run as a public/non-profit database service: here’s an anonymised, clinical, filterable list of other people who are looking for a relationship, and a safe way to connect with them. Like all other online services it’d be killed off by bots, trolls, and creeps, but still… If it’s in the public’s general interest for people to be in relationships?
Let me filter the bots, trolls, and creeps myself. I don’t need a rent-seeking middleman for that.
(My wife’s pickup line was trolling the shower curtains in my photo)
If they are dying, I’d say nothing of value is lost.
in essence its just to get men to keep swiping, and become the “product/data” to be sold. thats why its dying.
Good
why? didnt find anyone? Ive had great success tbh - married, 2 kids not sure if its just luck or incidental or what
They’ve gotten worse by the year. If you’re married and have 2 kids, you probably were on them long enough ago that it was quite different. You might also be conventionally attractive.
I’ve been single a couple of times in my life and some of those times I created a Tinder (and/or Bumble, OKCupid) account.
First time must’ve been about 8-9 years ago now after I got broken up with. Got an okay amount of matches, tons of interesting conversations. Met a few people IRL. Found a girlfriend after about half a year, ended up not being very compatible, broke up, made another Tinder account. 3-4 years on Tinder, getting fewer matches by the year. Increasingly few interesting conversations, met maybe 4-5 people IRL over that time (some of whom I’m still friends with). Ended up meeting the person who would become my baby mama and ex-wife. After I divorced her, created a new Tinder account and… near-zero matches. I saw TONS of bots. Like super obvious bots, all the same-ish profile archetypes (my favourite one being random letters for name with a weird blurry photo of a red building, saw hundreds of those). Half a year and two dates with one woman later, I just… deleted it and embraced being single. An average looking woman makes an account and in a few hours they have 99+ likes (where it stops showing the exact amount). Not quite happening for me or any men I know.
I’m not super attractive, kinda average looking face and a bit overweight, but I’m quite strongly built and masculine which some women seem to find, I dare say, irresistible, but many do not. But I’ve never (in my adult life - middle school was different) had problems holding a conversation with a woman, I’ve always had creative bios and decent photos compared to many I’ve been shown from other guys’ profiles. My ability to get matches on Tinder, Bumble, whatever, has gone down over the years, whereas I feel off those apps I’m better than ever? I’ve joked that I have the exact same thing with jobs and women: Once I get to the interview, I’m in, but getting there rarely happens.
And like… it’s not just the quantity of matches that went down. Quality too. By match quality I don’t mean “I matched shit people”, that would be quite arrogant of me to say. I mean I used to match more people with whom I felt I had things in general. People with whom a conversation would just flow until 5 AM. That just stopped happening over time.
Oh and you get fewer swipes than ever, no longer get any free superlikes on a free plan (you get 5 a week on gold I think, used to get few on free…), etc. The gold plan is like 20€ a month which I got as a bonus through my Revolut plan and… they still keep upselling you on both a more expensive sub, and consumable boosts.
Most other apps belong to the same company and seem to have degraded similarly - but none of them are used much here anyway, there’s 100x fewer people on Bumble and OKCupid would just show me people from other countries only.
TL;DR: Used to get more matches. Used to match people who I’d actually enjoy talking to (and vice versa). App itself is trying to upsell you more and more while you get about as much on paid plans now as you did on free plans back in the day.
website has a persistent AI chatbot overlay, btw
easy avoid, for me
I guess back to Craigslist’s classified section 😆
As they should for good!
