hey,
so id like to meet someone, but i live in a rural area and don’t really get the chance to get out much. i was wondering if fellow lemmy folks have any places they know of online that are good to meet others?
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A lot of that stuff is regional, try them all, expect low results.
What, like, romantically? Or just to make a friend?
Romantically, Hinge is the most common. Though you should try all three of the main apps - Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder, to see which platform is most popular around you, as this seems to change from place to place. And maybe FarmersOnly or something if that’s really the vibe of the area?
Platonically, imo the best option is to search for groups for specific hobbies. Eg, hiking clubs, language exchanges, tabletop rpg meetups. Meetup.com used to be pretty good for this - it’s gone downhill in recent years, but is still worth a shot. Local facebook groups dedicated to certain interests have a similar trend - not as good as they used to be, but worth a gander.
But really, probably your best bet is to just leave the house and see who and what is out there. Head to the local bar and meet people. Spend some extra time talking to the clerks at the hardware store, and strike up convos with other customers. Go to town hall meetings. Often, small businesses will have bulletin boards full of flyers for other events happening in your area, where you can meet other people.
The upside of rural areas is that most people tend to be friendly - or at least open to meeting new people. A slower pace of life and not constantly being overwhelmed with options for new people to meet means most people are interested in more spontaneous social interactions. Otoh, it can be a lot harder to find your people. Rural communities tend to be fairly conservative and monolithic. If you are looking for friends to play DnD with, you might have a hard time finding those people when all the other people around you are just interested in trucks, beef, family, and jesus.
One strategy there is to be the person hanging up flyers and making meetup groups. Most people are tired and bored and lonely - they want someone to tell them to show up at a place at a time and to be ready to have fun. So if you are having a hard time finding a community of your people, the best way to solve that problem is to make the community you want.
Finally, I know this will seem like ridiculous advice to some… but you can also just move. The people you spend your time with are, along with things like basic health and financial security, the most important thing in your life. If everyone around you is a gun tote’n Jesus nut, and you are a godless communist, LEAVE. If everyone around you is looking for their tradwife/tradhusband, and you want to have polyamorous queer furry orgies, LEAVE. Finding your people is 10 million times easier when each of those people live withing 5 blocks of each other rather than 50 miles.
And this is doubly true if you are a man looking for a romantic connection with a woman. Sure, tons of women fantasize about living on a farm and taking care of a bunch of cute animals and baking their own bread, but the statistics are clear: women flock to cities. The bigger, denser, and more prosperous a city is, the more likely it is to have a favorable gender ratio for men. And the poorer and more sparsely populated an area is, the more likely it is to have an atrocious gender ratio for men. It’s a very well known strategy: move to the city, make your fortune, get yourself a girlie, then move to a remote homestead where you chop your own firewood and watch foxes play outside your back window.
hey thanks for the response.
yes i am looking for a romantic connection, and also for friends. I have tried the main dating apps but i never get a match or have gotten a match just to be insulted for my looks. also, im pansexual so i’m not just looking for a strictly dating a women. out where i am on my street, people here are…not nice. I’m living with my parents currently because i was kicked out of my ex’s place after she ended things with me over 11 years, but the signs were there. Once i am on disability, i do plan to move more into the closer town that is much bigger, but that doesn’t mean ill be open to meeting people, as disability doesn’t pay much. there’s apart of me saying i should just accept my fate of being alone and just living like that, and i have tried to do that as best i can, but i end up just feeling lonely still.
i mean you’re weirdo and your on disability… most people aren’t interested in dating any of that.
also if you are male, you’re straight up fucked. if you were a woman it’s much more socially acceptable for you to be a dependent.
most people look down on men that are not providers. literally your best chance of increasing your romantic and social opportunities is to make more money. if you don’t want to do that… well then yes you better learn to be happy alone.
I make 150K a year and most women I date don’t think I make enough money to be considerable dateble. I’m also handsome, tall, and highly educated. Most women I meet are looking for a guy who makes 2-3x what I do, and living a far more lavish lifestyle than I desire.
How can you go around calling someone you know nothing about a weirdo? Because they’re pansexual? Because they have some sort of disability?
That is extremely callous and shortsighted. Please try to remember the human. By the sound of it, the money is not the reason women don’t consider you particularly dateable. Look up empathy and see if you can improve yours.
It’s true.
The world is callous and shortsighted. Pretending it isn’t is just being naive and seeking to protect your feelings from a harsh social reality. Empathy has nothing to do with, but you seem to mistake empathy as ‘bullshitting people to make them feel good and delude them about their situation’. Rather than informing them of the reality of their circumstances and their choices.
Cynic.
right, call me names because that makes you feel good right? again, protect your feelings at all costs.
not sure how to respond to this, but thanks for the response.
I’m a weirdo who’s on disability and have had great experiences with dating apps. I found half of my peer group there and some short-term relationships. I’m a bi woman, so your mileage may vary obviously, but in my experience the queer dating scene is a bit easier in that regard, even though I can’t comment on male dating.
I was very lonely and isolated for a long time and pretty much thought I’m just gonna be alone. In general I try to be open about my baggage and other people with perhaps similar backgrounds appreciate that. Once I found them life got really pleasant.
I’ve used pretty much all the apps with varying success. I had a better experience with the not so famous apps like Boo, Hiki (for neurodivergent people) or HER (lesbian app). I think I am an outlier here though, because most people I know get jaded from online dating really quickly, I’ve been doing it on and off for 5 years now. Sometimes I don’t really get many matches, half a year later it’s better. So if online dating isn’t for you that’s fair, but if it is, maybe you can find an app with like-minded people as well.
Hey thanks for the response. I’ll try thoese other apps, just haven’t been having luck on the main ones. And fix to know there’s fellow weirdos out there!
the downsite, even in a major city, is if you don’t fit in with the ‘default’ mentalitiy and looks of your community… you will be socially outcast and youre chances of connecting will be slim/difficult.
I live in a city full of wealthy professionals, and since I’m neither… it’s really impossible for me to make social connections, let alone romantic ones, anymore. When my city was more diverse, it was much easier.
I was literally on a date last week with a woman who was a doctor who immediately dismissed me as having a unworthy career for her lofty status.
it’s also not that easy to leave when you have built up a life in a place for years. you own a home, you have an established job, etc. not everyone can just uproot their entire life like that, nor should they.
Finally, I know this will seem like ridiculous advice to some… but you can also just move. The people you spend your time with are, along with things like basic health and financial security, the most important thing in your life. If everyone around you is a gun tote’n Jesus nut, and you are a godless communist, LEAVE. If everyone around you is looking for their tradwife/tradhusband, and you want to have polyamorous queer furry orgies, LEAVE. Finding your people is 10 million times easier when each of those people live withing 5 blocks of each other rather than 50 miles.
nope.
the fun sociable internet died in the 2010s as social media took over. most younger generations only socialize with their friends via the internet… they don’t meet people via the internet like we did in the 90s/2000s. The concept is totally weird to them.
the entire mentality around internet ‘connecting’ people is gone. now it’s all about selling products. people generally prefer the passive experience of watching streamers and commentating to the interacting experiences of chat rooms of before times.
your best bet is finding some discord or other chat that is about whatever game/hobby you have and getting involved in that, i guess.
I hate to say this but Spezzit is still interesting for that.
my IP is banned from spezzit for saying isreal committed a nakba
You can use a vpn. There are good free ones, don’t pay for one
why not pay for a vpn? there are good paid VPN providers.
Because there are good free ones.
dm?
