A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says “hey buddy, you lost a shoe” and the duck says “nah, I found one!”

Why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella?

For drizzle

Why can’t a dog dance?

Because it has two left feet.

I asked my North Korean friend how things are back at home.

He said he can’t complain.

The dumbest joke I know is a knock knock Joke and goes like this. You first have to make the person you’re telling the joke to start saying “knock knock”, then you you say, “who’s there?”.

Proceed to watch the other person confused about what to do next 😅

Him: Hey, when you’re out camping, do you enjoy it when you wake up in the morning and water vapor condensers on your lenses?

Me: DEW EYE?!?

• What’s brown and sticky?
• A stick

This one is a true story:

I was in Dallas Love Field with my daughter several years ago.

I said, “You know, this is where John Kennedy landed only a few hours before he was killed. Show some respect and try not to make an ass…assin of yourself.”

Roughly fifteen years later her eyes still haven’t come back from rolling into the back of her head

I’m still proud of myself for coming up with that little airport joke on the fly

I called the wrong number today. I said ‘Hello, is Joey there?’

A woman answered and she said ‘Yes he is.’

And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’

She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.’

I said 'Alright, I’ll wait

I’m sorry for spamming Steven Wright jokes. I’ll stop now

Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

Because she’s always running away from balls

What do you call an elephant that can only be accessed remotely?

Telephant

Yes, I’m a dad, how did you know?

what’s red and smells like blue paint?

red paint.

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out, man.