Excepting reciprocal interest in you
This thread has been interesting to read.
I don’t worry about guys starting out with preconceptions about women, most of them do (as we do about men) but also recognize people are individual. it always has settled out for me over time, but maybe the guys I attract are not looking for traditional “femininity” as I don’t really ooze with it in looks or behavior. I’m delighted to be a woman for sure, but was not raised very differently from my brothers, my mom just treated us all the same.
And the first two responses in the list when I look at it:
“Having a sex drive as high as mine and not being bipolar.”
And
“Someone that is okay with not being able to engage in coitus with me.”
Shows how different we are, really that gives me hope.
Opportunity? Losing my baggage? Admittedly not in a hurry until my kids graduate but it would probably be wise to start laying the groundwork.
Currently my hobbies and activities tend to be home oriented so I really don’t meet anyone. I’ve always been introverted and most of my adult friends were couple friends or her friends. The few times I’ve looked into dating apps I’m immediately horrified by the personal information they collect
My ex has been amicable and reasonable and we’ve done a decent job of co-parenting but it’s tough to get past dedicating your life to someone for so many years. I wouldn’t take her back since things got toxic but I’m having a hard time leaving completely. At the same time I’d feel like I need to protect myself from anyone new, both in not opening myself to attack and not risking what little I have left for supporting my kids and retirement
I’m a real catch, right?
I still have to live with my vicious manipulative abusive ex for now until I can safely escape financially/logistically, and while we are very much NOT together, that’s not an appealing situation for a potential date and I get that. I would also not want someone to feel like they had to help me get out, or like I was monkey branching into a new relationship, which is what my ex had done to me, which I didn’t find out for some time, because that felt really bad for me when I found out, and while I don’t think my ex deserves any considerate behaviour after the way he’s treated me, I wouldn’t feel good about myself for doing it.
It also feels really crappy to be middle aged and start all over with this, have to weed out the ones who aren’t suitable, make an effort about the whole thing, and have to navigate a physical relationship with someone new, or find someone that shares my values.
Also sneaking around my ex would be potentially explosive.
Not going to lie though, having someone that makes me feel loved, tingly, excited, etc, and isn’t a damnable monster would really be nice.
Yikes!!
Authenticity, depth and integrity. Someone who isnt performative to please me and who I dont have to perform to please either. They wont force me into a role or idolize me yet we should still be able to like and appreciate each other as people of our own. Plus someone who I genuinely find physically attractive because I rarely find men who are attractive to me by my standards so until I find someone like that I dont even wanna try dating.
Yeah I am with you. Incredibly hard to find.
99% of my social interactions are someone trying to please me to get something out of me. And I hate it. It is so hard to find people who are just… doing their thing and respect you doing yours. It’s so rare, but it’s so nice when you do meet people like that.
I feel like social media has supercharged it. I definitely used to meet more authentic people 10 years ago than I do now.
Having a sex drive as high as mine and not being bipolar.
Someone that is okay with not being able to engage in coitus with me.
The last woman I was chatting with turned out to be anti-vax. So, not that.
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I don’t disagree, and I have all those things too. I don’t think I’m picking up what your puttin down though.
Creative, fun and encouraging. Emotionally mature, respectful, and commited to ongoing self improvement. Everything else is peripheral, but bonus points for writers and artists who are into pc gaming and technology.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
I learned how to use power tools when I was seven, I’m mechanically inclined, and built my own PC at eighteen. There are an unfortunate number of men who will start a conversation with me from a place of condescension. The last date I went on, he showed me his chainsaw, I asked to try it out and what he said started with “Okay, well it can be a little scary at first because it’s loud…” Another guy told me I was cracking eggs wrong when I made breakfast. I used to be a head chef.
If you’re not using one of these, you might be cracking eggs wrong.
The condescension and man-splaining thing is difficult and is definitely a trained part of a male-dominated culture/sub-culture if it is based on prejudice. The chainsaw incident might have come from a genuine place of concern and caution since power tools can be dangerous, even variants of tools somebody has experience with. I personally struggle with gauging my expectations of how familiar any random person would be with something I’m bringing up, especially if it’s something I’ve had other people confused by in the past. I usually say “Have you heard of X?” or “How familiar are you with X?” to try to avoid either scenario of my audience thinking that I’m condescending them or them being lost about a subject they know nothing about.
I know and understand where it comes from, but I don’t want to deal with it in a partner.
The chainsaw thing was absolutely because I’m a chick and representative of his overall attitude toward me that evening. Asking if I’d used a chainsaw would have been appropriate, or a quick rundown on starting/stopping would have been fine.
Basically, I ask myself if he would have said the same thing in the same way to a man. I’ve worked on enough jobsites to know that no, that doesn’t happen.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
This is because the so many women are actively seeking these things from men. They often want to be infantalized. FWIW it’s why most of my relationships fail, because I don’t treat women like children and they want that.
Please, show me your psych degree from the university of 4Chan.
just look around you next time you go out to a bar or other social situation. observe it for yourself.
or maybe ask yourself why is it that you are attracted to men who treat you that way?
What, lol.
My post was about how I’m not attracted to it.
You might want to stop conducting gender studies at bars.
You all have options??
Beat me to it. High five!
I was meaning people you may know in person or people you see on dating apps or the like
I’m feeling worse rn
The intent behind this post was to help others with self-improvement by showing why others might turn somebody down
I don’t have current options.
scales, wings, a tail, and the ability to breath fire tbh
Would you accept fish scale?
Is puking blobs that are on fire acceptable? Without distance propulsion.
I’m gender fluid, I describe myself as 70% male, 30% female gender identity. I’m straight.
I am exhausted by women continually declaring what they want in men, but not really wanting that. I simply cannot act obsessive, possessive, or dominant. I want a woman to approach me on an equal footing. It continually shocks me how women demand toxic behavior in a dating context.
I was like this when I started dating. Popular media and family impacted how I viewed love and relationships, so accustomed to living with controlling narcissists I didn’t understand what healthy affection looked like.
My first relationships were nightmares with similar people who reinforced those ideas. If I was approached by someone with a healthy, balanced mindset, I wouldn’t know what to do with them.
Which is not to provide a solution, but rather some insight. In a sense it’s a good thing you recognize a toxic situation before it begins, in another sense it can be lonely and frustrating, and I can commiserate from the other side
I completely agree and I can validate many women I’ve met have been in very toxic relationships, and as much as they hate them, they do not know how to function in a healthy one
women continually declaring what they want in men, but not really wanting that.
That’s something I’ve noticed sometimes as well, and I hoped that there’d be women (or even some confused men or nonbinaries) answering this post and a discussion would follow which would help both them and others understand what they’re really after.
demand toxic behavior in a dating context
This is something I’ve seen as well, but I think of it as a separate issue as the previous one. If somebody wants a sugar daddy/mommy/whatever, that’s entirely different than an actual relationship.
women who are more healthy tend to be in relationships that are stable and long term. they aren’t single going in and out of relationships. also true of men. healthy people seeking out healthy people and who have good priorities.
all my best female friends over the years married young and never divorced. they chose the right people and valued other people for the things that actually matter, not the shallow bullshit that most people chase.
a big thing is that most singletons want their partner to fix their lives for them. they are unhappy in their middle class office job and think a partner to elevate them to the luxury travel lifestyle they see on social media. That expecation is entirely unrealistic, but they don’t care about realism, so they shut themselves off from realistic partners and chase fantasies in their head or short term relationships.
in short, healthy people don’t chase romantic fantasies, unhealthy people do, an are forever unfufilled.
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what women are emotionally attracted to is often anti-social and abusive behaviors.
and they are actively disgusted by the behaviors they claim they want in a partner. caring, kindness, emotional openless etc.
esp single women.
It’s not a battle of the sexes thing. Both men and women are often attracted to the traits they outwardly disdain.
Mostly free time to meet in person. Busy professional looking for busy professional gets difficult.
Let me just drop this here as constructive criticism…
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-most-common-regrets-people-have-at-the-end-of-life
Now I know some might think there’s this guy on the internet throwing around stuff feeling very clever but let me tell you that’s not it.
I experienced it, my heart stopped. And so could yours. I was very lucky. And now I’m not running around selling the next religion (the contrary actually) however I can recommend making the time for things that count.
Workaholics are toxic. Not having time to meet your life partner means you’re not trying.
This. If you’re married to work, very few people are going to want to be your side piece.
Options, I’m entirely socially isolated.
Depressive intellectual honesty is #1.
No children ever #2. I didn’t like children even when I was one and that never changed. My sense of morality also disagrees with procreation.
No deity beliefs or vague spiritualism #3.
That’s it really, and yet I’ve barely ever met anyone like this. People don’t exactly advertise these traits that I’ve seen local to me.
Edit: Oh and as far as physical goes I’m not body picky. It’s mostly about the face. I like angular, resting bitch face. Intensity. If you scare people I’m into it.
i think #3 is your greatest limiter. i expect more people have at least some kind of spiritual / meaning-making impulse than don’t, by a large margin.
I’d agree. Stats show I’ve already cut 75% off the global population with that preference alone just the religious! I’m sure it’s higher factoring in spiritual.
I think it really depends on the demographics of the immediate society somebody finds themself within. The presence or absence of specific spirituality or religious beliefs is really important to a lot of people and can make up a significant portion of who they are. Just as the commenter is requiring an absence of certain beliefs, there are others in the dating pool who are requiring the presence of these beliefs, and the commenter wouldn’t have a healthy relationship if they have to fake who they are to be with somebody.
For sure, it’s not good news here. Hell, I’ve been called sub-human to my face for not being spiritual by one of my friend’s partners and she stopped hanging out with us when I invite him over. She’s not even religious. All it took was mentioning I wasn’t even spiritual at a backyard BBQ when the topic came up naturally ¯\(ツ)/¯
I usually just say “I’m not superstitious” or “That’s not for me” and leave it and my level of involvement with their beliefs to my audience’s interpretation. As for your friend’s partner and your complicit friend, “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities” - Voltaire.
I honestly don’t think he has a clue about any of this yet even years after the fact, he’s pretty fucking thick lol. I never brought it up, yes he was there but comprehension is another story.
Yet. He’ll find out when I don’t attend their wedding and I’m sure you can predict who he’ll side with. RIP friendship from age 8 to 36 next year.
