Honestly I’m starting to feel like I have nothing to offer. Everyone always asks what I bring to the table. When both people are working what exactly do you want me to bring to the table?
You either find something you like in me (like my mentality, personality, appearance) or you don’t, I don’t get it.
Do you want me to slave away for you or something? Also I’m pretty introverted so I cant offer you social ties or community for the most part. Guess I’m useless.
I genuinely don’t feel like most people are THAT special. Like most people aren’t rocket scientists who also have 59 obscure hobbies and write dissertations in their spare time. Wtf do people want? A positive outlook?
Ok I have a positive outlook to offer you. They’re gonna laugh in my face when I say that. Oh I’m also quirky by the way. Not like the other girls. Teehee.
…. You okay bro? No one is asking “what do you being to the table.”
Yes, there are basic qualifications people are looking for: hygiene, dependability, a job, minimal debt, personality, just be a good person.
These should come standard.
Depends on the relationship. Relationships are tough. There need to be enough shared interests yet each part needs to be able to compliment the other parts strengths and weaknesses. The whole reason folks can’t just be with anyone is there is just a certain mixture that will work and some that won’t. What you might offer in one relationship may be different in another and vice versa.
Who is asking what you bring to the table? I can’t imagine a decent person saying something like that.
Simply, be a person someone would want to spend time with and (probably) be intimate with.
Flip it around, what would you want in a partner? If you can recognize what you care about or don’t, you’ll have a better understanding of someone else doing the same thing.
Obviously everyone is different and there aren’t perfect rules, but make the effort to self reflect.
I’ve never self reflected before, thanks for the tidbit
Some things off the top of my head, which to me seem unrelated to personality: affection, companionship, attention, care, empathy, collaboration, someone in whom to confide, someone with whom to push through hardships, partnership, entertainment.
Beyond that, I started believing that all of that “watch what you bring to the table” stuff is not very helpful. We always bring ourselves to the table, and as long as we’re not horrible people with harmful psychological maladaptations (I’m talking unaddressed trauma, malign narcissistic tendencies, abusive tendencies, unhealthy relationship patterns, etc.) and have respect for all people we meet, potential partner or not, then the rest is up to the other person to decide.
Seriously, just develop yourself as a person as YOU would want to develop. Find and dive into things which interest you, practice the skills which interest you, be someone YOU would find interesting, regardless of what anyone else may think. Add to that a capacity for truly listening to someone, and you’re doing as much as you possibly can. Plus don’t forget, you need to focus on deciding whether or not you like the person as well! Worrying too much about your side of the table will increase the chances of missing some major red flags in your potential partner (ask me how I know…).
In addition, try to do a real check-up with yourself, you may have a lot of positives already which you may not be seeing due to being used to them (our best attempt may oftentimes look like the bare minimum from our own perspective, while it is above and beyond from everyone else’s). And put yourself out there with your interests, be it in person, or online!
affection, companionship, attention, care, empathy, collaboration, someone in whom to confide, someone with whom to push through hardships, partnership, entertainment
Those are just givens? It’s not what I personally bring to the table that’s just what relationships are for. Empathy is part of personality imo though
Unaddressed trauma
This one’s kinda weird, I don’t agree that that would make someone undateable
be someone you find interesting
I used to think this until I realized no one is that special. I’m only interesting to someone who might be interested. And that’s normal, you can’t always be interesting to everyone.
put yourself out there with your interests
I have too many interests and too little time. Honestly I guess I’m just not in a place to date right now. Still doesn’t stop me from getting irritated about it, and people’s grim questions.
I mean I’m doing a lot of stuff but like, none of them are particularly interesting to the average person I would say. For example, any time I’d share something with my ex he would tell me to get over myself and that I have “main character syndrome” meaning I think I’m more important than I am, and that I don’t really matter much. I kind of agree. Nobody really matters much. I like sharing my feelings and thoughts and ideas, but I’m starting to realize no one really cares about them. Which is why I think I’m better off alone. Maybe I just am an uninteresting stupid person.
I think you need to learn to appreciate yourself. Try to make a list of positive things about yourself. It may be hard at first, but you’ve already made a good start with positive outlook and quirkiness. Go on, list anything that can be seen in a positive light. If you do this more than once, you’ll end up with a long list of things you can bring to the table and perhaps with a better feeling about yourself.
I mean I’m fine with myself but I’m not about to try to convince someone to date me. If they need to be convinced I don’t want them
I mean, what do you enjoy in others? Do you have those qualities yourself or have something complimentary?
You were the one who blocked me, right? Don’t wanna offer advice to someone who doesn’t want it :) gotta write that shit down or something
