I got a mixed message in my upbringing. On the surface, love others. In practice, act like you love others when you’re in public, talk mad shit behind closed doors. Not just on people with substantial differences, even your same faith, same color, same politics neighbors you just spent the morning at church with. Gossip, talk about their dirty laundry (or what you think it might be). It was incredibly two-faced and by middle school I was realizing how mean and hateful my parents were (also starting to realize I was in an abusive home).

“Hate the sin not the sinner” is a phrase that gets thrown out a lot, but it’s a misdirection. It excuses the act of judging another as righteousness, but in practice it’s moral projection and often seeks to find someone’s struggle (like addiction) and make that the entirety of the person. Humans have some moral relativity in terms of “immoral acts”- murder, theft, deceit, the kinds of behavior that makes communities and societies unsafe. But there’s plenty of “sin” that is not the business of anyone but those consenting to it.

Extremely conservative religion can find any reason to ascribe judgement to anyone it chooses because it’s adherents default to answering to a higher power that inevitably favors their interpretation of their scriptures and human prophets/saints/apostles/leaders. And while the big three are some of the worst about abusing that, I’ve seen secular moral hot takes and humanist-driven moral absolutism get dangerously close to similar judgement as in-groups form.