Despacito. Kinda weird lyrics.

You just provided the science tech path for the Civilization games

Congrats for getting the most downvotes on Lemmy I’ve ever seen. Which you absolutely deserve by the way, in my opinion.

That is actually impressively dumb

Like seriously, I think he really really put effort into being dumb here. You can’t be just randomly that ignorant here, I think

Isn’t that kinda satire?

Texas being Texas, I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well, that is the wildest thing I read in a long time since the last Trump news, but it is actually very interesting. And constitutional. America is wild.

Ahhh, good to know! I’m just in Bordeaux rn and will visit Marseille at some point in the next few months, now I know what I should look out for :)

Well, thank you for your service and the great memes :))

What is up with this Marseille soap? Second time someone mentions it in this thread.

That sounds like a really good routine tbh :)

What happens when you find out it isn’t there anymore?! Do you then just like order a replacement one from Amazon?

PugJesus, why are you everywhere I look?!?

(Seriously, I absolutely love your memes though!!)

Everything (except 8, obviously) is pretty standard practice for CBT as well. In terms of self-help, I’d also definitely add

9: Find nice people/a nice group to spend time with. Doesn’t really matter what it is: sports club, theater, study group, board game club, garden builders. Just follow your interests.

I think many people dismiss the incredible value friends bring to our life and the stabilizing effect it has on out mental health. Loneliness is one of the deadliest causes out there (some studies say it’s as harmful as smoking daily), so make sure to have people around you whom you like spending time with! And no, digital groups are not the same as real-life ones. Body language is incredibly important in communication, and with it missing orr brain processes information differently.

Tl;Dr: Get out there and find nice people.

I can’t :DDD

<arbitration clause: if you sign up, you cannot make any claims against cRazi_man. in case we fucked up, I guess sucks for you, byeeeee>

Okay, this thread escalated quickly

I sincerely appreciate your response, thank you! I think it matters a lot to me that I’m not alone with this and that it will change (I’m sure it will also change for me, goddammit).

For me it definitely is an open question of integration vs. letting other people know I’m autistic. Rn only a selected number of people know, but it definitely is an unsolved problem for me if I want to be more open with this part of my identity. In the end it is a bit like what you said, that then people can also understand one better and won’t wonder ‘why is this guy behaving weirdly?’

Listening is definitely a great skill as well - I want to become a psychotherapist, so that will kinda become my source of income :) Always good to cultivate this skill though!

Actually now that I think of it, maybe I’ve neglected it a bit. Listening for me is something I claim to be able to do well, and something where I can use the autistic part of my identity well. And also that brings me to a thought. We all like and love people who can listen well and who will be there for you. I know that a few years ago, I read Carnegie’s “How to make friends and influence people” (honestly, how I didnt realize back then already that I was autistic is beyond me), but the main message of the book is that people like other people who listen. And listening to other people actually made me friends with a lot of other people. Being focused and attentive and going deep into a subject is an area I can perfectly integrate my hyper fixation and care for details, while also making the other person feel appreciated. Of course, there needs to be a fine line, but now that I think of it - I don’t feel connected going to a large party, I feel connected sitting next to a friend and listening him talking about his breakup. That’s what gives me a feeling of being part of the party, because that’s a party I choose and a party I can be damn good at.

In the last few years however it feels that I’ve neglected this a bit; it feels to me that I don’t really listen how I did earlier. I’m gonna reflect on why that’s the case, and maybe I’ll reread Carnegie. But I have the feeling that maybe, just maybe, this is connected to my feeling of feeling left out. Maybe I don’t only feel left out from the others, but also left out from myself, because I no longer practice the craft and art of listening like I did earlier.

I’ll need to reflect upon it, a lot. But thank you for the input! I sincerely appreciate it. Maybe I’ve written a lot of dumb stuff down, but at least I’ve a new thought to go with, and that’s already worth a lot. Thank you!

That’s actually a thought I had myself for a long time and on which I’d love to elaborate a bit more.

In psychotherapy (and CBT especially), there is a model where our thoughts create our feelings. Epictetus wrote two thousand years ago that “not the events make us suffer, but our judgment of them”. I think that’s an interesting approach, but I also think there are strong limitations. Some example can be obvious - like when a person is hungry, it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell a person " you’re suffering because you think you shouldn’t be hungry", but some can also be a bit less obvious. E.g. I am part of the queer community and sometimes get catcalled on the street. I could argue with myself now that I “make myself upset” about it and I create unnecessary suffering in my head, but that would to some extent shift the creator of the hurt they caused onto me. Like I would try to convince myself that part of the reason why I’m hurt is because I have the belief I shouldn’t be hurt by them catcalling me, and I think that’s a very dysfunction approach.

I think what heavily matters is how much I do suffer. If someone would catcall me and I’d grab a gun and kill the person, that would hardly be proportional. In this case, I would definitely at least to some extent have cognition’s which contribute to my suffering in a way which is avoidable.

Coming back on to the topic, what I’m interested in is where “the line” of an appropriate emotional response would be for me. I feel excluded and don’t really belong; I think that’s to some extent true, and it’s also okay that I don’t feel good about it. However, how much is appropriate? Should I just feel a bit isolated? Should I be sad now and then? Should I cry myself into bed every night?

The point for me is connected with the question how I should proceed. I absolutely feel the pressure to conform to society. But how much pressure (and suffering from not abiding) is appropriate? And is the amount of pain and sadness I feel extremely high? If yes, then I probably at least have some influence on a part of the suffering. If not, I risk trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t be sad feeling excluded and lonely, and that it isn’t that bad, etc.

Tl;dr - do I create the suffering myself or do is it a normal response of my psyche, and it would be self-hurting to convince myself that I create this suffering myself?

Thank you! Relating and understanding already helps me a lot. In the end it just means that I am not really broken, because if a lot of people relate to my feeling we can’t all be broken, yk?