I am holding out hope that most of this exchange is in jest (please god how did we end up in a world where this is even seriously considered) but I will add to your great questions of where that EU bribery money could be better spent (which would be on literally anything else) …

Does the bribe have to be liquid money?

Couldn’t it just be giving him overvalued stock or some throwaway business with the same name as a huuuuge international brand but just spelled a little different because he won’t notice anyway? Perhaps offer him free reign of the English Chanel and ohhh he’d just gobble it right up because Chanel right, you know, and well he’s pretty sure he’s seen the word Chanel somewhere before so it’s going to be a good deal, very good deal, yes I make great deals very good

why am chaneling trump speak

^{still high}

Pay him under the table, through the grapevine, what have you. I get the feeling he’d have no qualms about such an arrangement. I would rather have bribery bidding wars than (any more) real war.

Edit: Unless bribes have historically started wars, idk I am high and forgot any and all history trivia long ago to the clouuuuds. Also, am I in a fever dream?

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Man, this is the only explanation for the closure of the lone Italian place in town a few years back.

No Italian restaurants currently exist in a 50 mile radius.

Town’s haunted now.

Zpoopa del giOHNO

The worst part is knowing that they’re (most likely) just listening to the loudest voter in their household even if other opinions manage to exist in their family.

I only remembered my dad talking about Bush or scoffing at this or that “donkey” thing so I thought it was Bush and the elephants I was supposed to like. I know I would have voted as such in something like this because I didn’t know any better at 6-8 years old, although I’m not finding the kids’ age ranges in this mock election. Anyway, I still didn’t know any better in junior high, I remember voting for Bush again in a 7th grade social studies poll on the 2004 elections. I recall the teacher saying even the results amongst one class were usually a pretty accurate reflection of the actual election results, right down to the goob who voted for Nader.

It took me going to college in the purplest damn section of a pretty red state for me to come to terms with what I actually believed and felt about people and politics. Further education was definitely key, and intertwined with that, it opened me up to people. Just talking to people in an environment where you’re all on essentially the same operating level day to day is huge.

My dad kept doing his thing in the small town where everyone knew everyone and somehow managed to sleep with everyone, too. He turned into a Trumper. I did my thing and I admit, it took me a lot of those four years of working on projects and getting pissed about loans together but really just enjoying life with a modestly diverse, pretty tolerant student body (still a lot of white raised-as-protestant types) to undo the damage of a conservatively skewed and Catholic childhood. But I can tell you that by 2014 I was annoyed at myself for not caring about the 2012 election, this first time I could vote. And you can guess I most certainly never even considered supporting Trump or any of the terrible things he represents when he suddenly-to-me showed up.

Would it make any reasonable sense for my dad to go to college at his age? No, probably not. But how do we get people to “simply” live around and be exposed to more people with relatively little prejudice in social status?

Do we just … Idk where I’m going with this I got high but wait just a tick here did I just reason myself into communism ^fuckityshit

I feel like I just read a Dr. Bronner’s soap bottle label.

I uninstalled the McDonald’s app last November(?) when they tried to make me accept their bullshit binding arbitration T&Cs.

Saving money, feeling better, not supporting fascism.

What if we work backwards on this?

1. Introduce community boxes at junction points where USPS already delivers, and/or next to a parks so you can say hi to your neighbors and stuff. Ensure any box is within a tolerable walking distance for the average community member served. (Best figure five minutes here folks.)

2. Allow residents with mail being delivered to their physical addresses to opt in to delivery at their associated neighborhood box.

3. Market the boxes as happy medium between visiting a staffed post office at the center of a city and risky doorstep delivery. Locked boxes large enough to accommodate everyday parcels basically nix those pesky pilfering porch pirates.

4. Continue regularly scheduled deliveries to individual addresses because the route will continue to exist at some level of specificity anyway no matter how many or how few community boxes materialize. Carriers essentially keep the same routes but get to drop mad loads of male mail into a bunch of ready and willing local slots near you, driving efficiency up and logistics strategists wild.

5. Promote additional box patronage by offering a slight discount whenever postage/shipping is purchased for a specific physical address utilizing delivery to a community box. Immediate and total coverage of community boxes across America is neither expected nor necessary, but hell, reward those who lighten that load for others.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk!

sincerely, louise dajoy

Edit: got high while writing and it took a turn for the weird

My brother in Christ you have described almost the exact same specs I visualized. The only difference is in the level of resolution of my “scene.” And by that, I mean essentially I did a few more render passes in my head to anchor everything you’ve written within a sort of Impressionistic, highly softened, out-of-focus backdrop. I saw hints of shadowy cabinets, the concept of a darkened kitchen out of sight. The shape and finger placement of my slightly more textured, clothed yet featureless male. The gray-brown feeling of a floor below, a dark white ceiling above, and the faded glow of sunlight through an unseen dining room window grazing one end of that oaken table.

But the basics … They’re the same, and before being asked to recall them. Damn.

I love geography and boy oh boy was I excited to visually confirm that Ohio is indeed The Sweaty Ass Crack of America®!

I got carried away drawing the rest of the human creature American specimen. Thoughts on better knuckle placement?

Hi human, I’m high. Are you high, too? Because this reads like something I would write while high. And I’m for serious.

Okay, this is fascinating … And makes me wonder how often this–what I will call “academic honorable discharge”–really occurs across institutions, well-known or not.

I haven’t delved into your sources yet, so this is my somewhat educated guess … Environmentally, this type of social breakdown makes sense with the lack of proper oversight, seasoned leadership, and organization appropriate to the study population. But did the low sodium diet itself serve any factor in the violence that occured in this botched study? Like, did kids being dietarily withheld a critical electrolyte affect the speed and intensity with which cracks in the camp structure split open?

Not trying to be too lighthearted here, but my guess in short: The kids went extra bonkers because of altered body and brain chemistry, with a lack of sodium (assuming the diet was initiated on Day 1) being a key aggressor in… making teen aggression more aggressive?

Right?! Especially if it was an off-the-cuff agreement. But if I had a few minutes to think it over, I would buy that anyone serious enough to get verifiable competitive offers using a third party would be serious enough to come back for those better offers if the current employer doesn’t bite. (This is assuming you can’t arrange new employment without the temp agency’s involvement for whatever contractual reason. Not sure how they typically work.)

Have you heard any specific reasons for the mail hoarder’s actions at your current workplace, or is it still a fresh case? I’m guessing it was nefarious, since the mail outbox was closer and seemingly more obvious than the secret stashing cabinet. Just wanted to be a dingus to intended mail recipients? I’d also be curious if it was all mail they handled or just select pieces. So many burning questions!!

I am a contractor so I don’t work in a standard office setting right now. I miss the heck out of juicy office gossip, at least about those who deserve such sordid stories! (Karen in accounting is actually really nice, Carl.)

With the rest of the house being normal-to-very clean, it’s almost like the parents were never able to make her clean her room because she was a territorial “devil” child, and they just let it slide for years and years.

Maybe what started as s genuine attempt at hangout ended up with her finally recognizing how embarrassing the situation was, leading to her cooling off during later chats?

Either that or it was all an elaborate ruse to get the wild child a free room cleaning and the parents were somehow in on it and everyone except you in this story is actually nuts!

Quite the spectrum of possibility, really. But honestly, I have a feeling your help might have helped her grow up and out of her family’s (or her own) neglect. It was a kind thing you did, regardless of the weird-ass circumstances!

I love this! Free cat scratchers might not seem like they have much value, but has anyone seen the price of those ready-made things?! They’re pushing $20 for a large-ish flat scratcher at lower volume places like TSC, but Target isn’t much better, still $10 for a 10" x 18" flat cheapy.

Down with bougie cat cardboard!!!

Not the person you replied to, but you make a great point. There’s most certainly ulterior motives for joining forces. However, I would prefer to work alongside and run against (in future elections, may the voters work to keep them in existence) a relatively honorable opponent using this tactic as a means try to keep their seat, rather than their turning farther right, emboldening and embodying every trait of a traitorous enemy.

I feel like I’m stating the obvious here, but this seems so off-the-charts guaranteed to backfire on him. What even mild Swiftie isn’t going to figure out (or hasn’t already) just how fake this endorsement is? Of any celeb to fake, Taylor seems like a such a flamingly dumb choice in terms of the fandom’s social media engagement.

With all these increasingly stupid moves… Is he really that detached and senile, or is there more behind his [team’s] style of psycho-political warfare going on?

I don’t think I’ve seen it pondered anywhere on social media, so I must ask: Does it not seem like Trump is purposely trying to throw the election at this point? If that’s the case, I fear the heightened degree of nefarious intent for whatever guaranteed political unrest we will face in November. I don’t think this is baseless conspiratorial thinking on my part, unfortunately.

Or … Or … Maybe his patently obvious mental decline has eroded away just enough of his super-sized ego to let in juuust enough reality for him to consciously recognize that he is going to die soon whether he likes it or not, and now he doesn’t give a shit-a-minute if he wins anymore. Can you imagine?

[Ah yes, a solid B+ troll, using the “are you all right” trope to get a rise out of me. The following would be my “rise.”]

Oh for cripes sake, can you not see I was leaning into your trolling mindset with my first bit?!! Keep fuckin moving the goalpost, y’all are good at that.

[Yes, I clearly suspended my disbelief in trying to see what exactly is legitimate under all of what you’ve said so far. It’s a fascinating occupation you’ve taken on, Professional Troll of Dubious Intent (PTODI), but if even if you actually don’t harbor these shitty thoughts against people, you are literally, actually right this moment making the entire platform of discourse shittier. I guess I should step outside my human brain and understand that some purported humans just want to watch the world burn. Sigh… Fuckin PTODIs.]

Aaaaand now I wonder if you (and your friend) are experiencing a wicked case of DID. Please consult your totally real psychologist on that for more info on how to reign in your diverging personalities. (Wouldn’t wanna have to get your lawyer involved, you know, like if your online troll personality state starts wreaking legal havoc in real life. Who would be to blame? You?! Or you?!!?!)

Serious question. And making the forgiving assumption your “friend” wasn’t just a cover story. This troll business you opened up here, do you you actually believe and stand behind what you profess?