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Just wanted to say I appreciate you including the link. I found it an oddly touching read and it made me think about people in my life who might be dealing with similar experiences.
Just wanted to say I appreciate you including the link. I found it an oddly touching read and it made me think about people in my life who might be dealing with similar experiences.
I’m going to preface by saying that I believe forgiving and/or forgetting is a very personal/individual process. While my last relationship didn’t work despite some mutual effort, I was on the receiving end of many throwings-in-the-face for things I didn’t do and actively avoided committing a lot of in-the-faceing, so that’s my point of reference.
If you want to get past the situation you’re describing, being open and expressing your feelings and thoughts about it is a good start, and the sooner you get it out of your system, the less you’ll hold on to it. You say he’s basically stated what he’s going to do, and might want to complement that by talking to him about your own expectations going forward; if nothing else you explicitly put it on the table that way and you might avoid cases of “but I thought…” later on. It can help both of you (but most critically you) get some validation related to how this impacts you, what you need, and that he’s understood and is going to do something to meet those needs.
Like someone said 7M ago, you also need to accept that you can only change or influence some things (mostly related to yourself), and whatever he chooses to say or do is largely out of your hands. It basically goes to moderate your expectations of what will happen; oftentimes we expect change to come in streams, while reality is a couple of drops at a time. I personally believe real forgiveness comes naturally, but it can take (a long) time.
Since you also mention it, I’d suggest thinking proactively about how you express your feelings and wants. When/if what he did comes to mind during and argument later on, is it (or part of) the actual in-the-now issue, or just a convenient power play to get the outcome you want? If it isn’t part of the present, there’s probably a healthier way of communicating than bringing it up again.
In my experience we can often tell roughly where someone is from going only by speech and use of slang. While I can only speak for a Mexican perspective, I imagine the same is true for people from most of the Latin American countries, and I imagine the same could be said for people from different states in the US of A. No idea if that’s what they meant, but it’s not necessarily based on racism.