I’ve always made up a person to fit in. Masking has taken a toll and I hate the person I’ve pretended to be. That person is boring, polished, and an over achiever. Since.I was punished severely on a daily basis at 4 years old and afterwards, my true self never was known to me. Only my self who could survive.
Where do we find our unmasked real self after reaching “the big one” burnout? When your braim stops working, you’re no longer functional, and the person you made can no longer be sustained, what do you do?
I’m in my 40s and it’s rough.
I dont’ know if I have anything but im in my 50’s and feel like this. Its like with the right challenges and interesting things I was able to really do things but honestly everything seems based less and less on logic and more and more on bs and I am just having trouble functioning anymore.
It seems like people normalize nonsense and I’m tired of participating. I don’t know why everyone does the things they do and life feels like a bad movie that is just one train wreck after another.
As a species we have really jumped the shark. Given that, I find myself asking what to do with it. Do I resist? Do I accept with calmness, with resignation, with the revelry at the absurdity of it all? Do I dismiss the idea of meaning and purpose? Of there being right ways that things should be? Abandon even the idea of absurdity as another form of judgment? Yeah, I know I probably sound 14 and deep, but Inadequate as my writing might be, it’s what I grapple with.
Seeing the onslaught of traffic, stuck, moving in one direction, and then the other direction in my locale knowing this is replicated everywhere across the continent and even further out into more and more cities all across the planet. That’s the one that I just can’t get over. That’s beyond nonsense and in the realm of insanity